“SILENCE TO CONFIDENCE”
Sarah is 25-years old and has been living in a de-facto relationship with Tompson for almost nine years. They met in high school and continued with their relationship. Serah and Thompson originate different islands of the country. After completing high school. Sarah discovered that she was pregnant, which meant having to put a pause on her education. Thompson returned home to his island with Sarah and their child, where they lived with his siblings, as they were both young and unemployed. Gardening was their main chores everyday, planting legumes and root crops, and selling them in their local market.
Thompson’s application to a respectful academy was successful, and he was recruited to continue with training and discipline. Thompson and Sarah discussed and agreed for him to attend the training while she stayed back on the island to continue with the gardening and care for their child. While Thompson was away on the training, Sarah faced emotional violence at the hands of her sisters-in-law, as well as occasionally, from Thompson. Sarah started noticing changes in Thompson’s behaviour. Their communications, though happened, became less frequent. She later learnt that Thompson was involved in an extra sexual relationship with another female. Sarah returned to her home island with their child without letting Thompson or her sisters-in-law know. Becoming aware of the fact that she still needs financial means to support her and the child, Sarah took her child and travelled to the city to seek employment opportunities.
Thompson now a graduate from the academy, found out about Sarah and the child being in the same city, decided to talk things over with her with the intention of them getting back together again. Sarah was not aware that Thompson had fathered a child with the other female, agreed to their reunion. Thompson later admitted that he had fathered a few children while Serah was on the island with their child. They made up and continued to live in the de facto relationship, and had two other children.
Life looked brighter for Sarah because she too was employed and both were supporting the children. However, Thompson’s scandalous affairs were not over. Sarah found messages on his phone, had arguments with women whom Thompson became sexually and flirtishly involved with. Thompson physically assaulted her, swore at her, blamed and accused for her attitudes. Permanent scars from the physical assault remain on her body. He even had her phones removed or broken.
Thompson’s latest extra sexual affair got Sarah to go directly to his boss and report the matter. A meeting was convened along with the mistress to resolve the issue. Sarah’s attempts to have her family remain united was in vain, as Thompson continued to flirt with women online and entered into sexual relationships with other women. After an argument, Sarah decided to move out of their home, because she was tired of the emotional violence she was going through. She left the relationship with all their children. Three months of separation passed, and Thompson showed no remorse for what he did that had caused their separation. He did not care, and did not financially support Sarah with the children, or even to call or visit and check on her and the children – his family. Sarah then decided to move on and enter into another relationship with a young man.
Thompson was furious when he learnt about Sarah’s love affair with another man. He physically beat Sarah up and questioned her about the affair. Sarah admitted her relationship and at the same time, continued to be physically assaulted by Thompson with his hands and a strap (belt) until the next morning. He falsely imprisoned her by locking her up in their house, and warned her not to go anywhere, even to work. He told her that there would be a meeting with the man Sarah is involved with in his office the next day.
The presumed meeting did not eventuate as expected, because Thompson’s workmates physically assaulted the young man very badly, that blood dripped from his nose and onto dropped on the floor of their office. Thompson’s workmates then stood over him and demanded that he lick his own blood from the floor with his tongue, threatening him with further severe physical assault if he didn’t do as he was told. Sarah was forced to watch the incident unfolding in shock, and at the same time felt very disappointed, but she could not utter a word. She tried to speak but Thompson turned a deaf ear to her.
Serah managed to escape with her child, aiming to get to VWC. She went through a counselling session where her counsellor listened to her story and her feelings, and empathised with her. Her counsellor complimented her for her bravery and endurance and also empowered her with valuable information. During their second session, her counsellor discovered that her safety was at risk due to threats and coercive control behaviours from Thompson. Her family members were also not supportive, but instead blamed her for the causing the problem. One of the options her counsellor put forward to her was to keep her in a safe place, to which she agreed.
Counselling sessions continued in her safe location, with her counsellor spelling out and helping her to understand her rights. Sarah opted to apply for a Family Protection Order with the magistrate court to protect her and her children from further abuse, as well as lodging a formal criminal complaint with the police for the domestic violence she has been enduring in her relationship with Thompson. She also opted to file a complaint against Thompson with his superiors. She was also empowered to set future goals for herself and her children.
Through the counselling sessions, Sarah had time to be able to reflect and understand her worth as a woman, and as an individual by taking the first step to stand up for her rights to live safely in a healthy and safer environment in her future relationships with her children.
Names and details have been changed to
protect the identity of the survivor.